Dismissive Avoidant Attachment: The Complete Guide
Understanding the signs, triggers, deactivation, healing, and how it affects relationships
Dismissive avoidant attachment is one of the four main attachment styles. People with this attachment pattern tend to place a high value on independence and self-reliance but often struggle with emotional intimacy in close relationships. As relationships become more emotionally significant, their nervous system may begin treating closeness as something to protect against, causing them to suppress vulnerable feelings, withdraw, or create emotional distance in an attempt to protect themselves.
In the beginning, everything seemed almost normal.
Your new flame seemed interested, engaged, and happy to spend time together. Maybe they texted regularly, initiated plans, and you assumed the relationship was going well.
Then came the plot twist.
You asked if they’d send you a “Good morning” text once in a while, and they looked like you’d just asked them to donate a kidney. You'd spent weeks choosing the perfect gift, and they accepted it like you’d handed them a bag of soggy fish heads. Maybe you suggested a weekend away together, and they reacted as though you’d proposed being surgically attached at the hip.
Or - shock horror - maybe you told them you missed them… and suddenly they needed “space.” Asking where the relationship was going felt like asking them to explain quantum physics. And talking about emotions?
Pfft…
Bathing a cat might have been easier.
You’re left wondering what on earth happened. Did you ask for too much? Come on too strong? Accidentally wander into a parallel universe where affection became a controlled substance?
If any of that sounds painfully familiar…
Congratulations! You may have stumbled upon a dismissive avoidant attachment style.
In this guide, we’ll explore what dismissive avoidant attachment really is, what causes it, the signs to look out for, how it affects relationships, and whether people with this attachment style can change.
What Is Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?
According to attachment theory, there are four main attachment styles—one secure and three insecure: anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant. Research suggests around 20–25% of adults are Dismissive Avoidants - also known as DAs.
On the surface, DAs don’t come across as insecure. In fact, they often appear confident, and successful in many areas of life. Many thrive in environments that reward independence, logic, problem-solving, and competence.
But dig a little deeper and the foundations suddenly get a little shaky.
The dismissive avoidant attachment system is activated by closeness, emotional intimacy, and dependency. Even normal, bare-minimum expectations are enough to trigger their fear of engulfment, vulnerability, and loss of autonomy.
Psychologists call this attachment activation. From that moment on, the brain and nervous system start doing whatever they believe will keep us emotionally 'safe'.
What Does “Attachment Activation” Actually Mean?
“Attachment activation” sounds like something out of a sci-fi film, but it’s actually much simpler than it sounds.
Think of the attachment system as a relationship alarm system. Most of the time, it quietly ticks away in the background until a relationship starts to become emotionally important to us. As feelings deepen, the system “switches on,” influencing how we respond to closeness, conflict, separation, and vulnerability.
The first to react is the amygdala: the brain’s built-in threat detector. Think of it like an overenthusiastic smoke alarm that goes off every time someone burns the toast.
Once the alarm goes off, stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are released, heart rate increases, muscles tense, and the body prepares to deal with what it believes is a threat. Only afterwards does the prefrontal cortex - the more logical, reflective part of the brain - begin trying to make sense of what’s happening.
For someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, this process can happen incredibly quickly and largely outside of conscious awareness. Their nervous system has already decided that creating distance feels like the safest option, and their brain often builds a story to support that feeling afterwards.
How the different attachment styles respond to activation
Once activated, each attachment style responds differently.
Someone with an anxious attachment style typically moves towards connection when they feel insecure. They seek reassurance, closeness, and communication to calm their nervous system.
A fearful avoidant experiences a tug-of-war. One part of them desperately wants connection, while another part feels frightened by it. They may move towards a partner one day and away the next, leaving both people wondering what just happened.
A securely attached person is generally able to balance intimacy with independence. They can ask for reassurance without feeling ashamed of it, communicate their needs openly, and work through conflict without automatically assuming the relationship is in danger.
Dismissive avoidants tend to move in the opposite direction. When relationships become emotionally intense, their instinct is often to create distance. They may need time alone, minimise their feelings, convince themselves they don’t really need anyone, or focus on practical problems instead of emotional ones.
To their nervous system -
- Dependency and attachment = Loss of Control
- Intimacy and vulnerability = Risk
- Commitment and expectations = Loss of freedom
As soon as a relationship starts to ‘matter’ or feel emotionally significant, their nervous system often mistakes closeness for danger, and their natural response is to retreat.
Understanding the DA Mindset
Dismissive avoidants are kind of like the ‘lone wolves’ of the attachment pack.
From the outside, they might appear calm, detached, and completely emotionally unfazed. Many wear their independence like a badge of honor; priding themselves on being logical rather than emotional, capable rather than needy, and self-sufficient rather than dependent.
But one of the biggest misconceptions about avoidants is that they don’t need people.
In reality, DAs need connection just as much as anyone else. The difference is that they’ve often learned -consciously or unconsciously - that relying on other people is risky, disappointing, or unnecessary. Over time, they become exceptionally good at meeting their own needs, solving their own problems, and keeping difficult emotions tucked neatly out of sight.
While these qualities can be genuine strengths, they can also become protective armor. The motto becomes:
“If I don’t need anyone, no one can let me down”
That’s why accepting help, expressing vulnerability, or depending on someone else can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable because it challenges the belief that they must handle everything alone.
As a result, dismissive avoidants often process emotions differently than people with other attachment styles.
How DAs Process Emotions
Rather than immediately talking through their feelings, they may need time and distance to make sense of them. They can unintentionally minimize emotional problems, avoid difficult conversations, or convince themselves that “it’s not a big deal” because that’s how they’ve learned to cope.
DAs aren’t emotionless (even if it seems that way sometimes). But it does mean they’re more likely to suppress, compartmentalise, or intellectualise those emotions than openly express them.
Imagine trying to hold a beach ball underwater. It may stay beneath the surface for a while, but it still requires energy to keep it there.
Difficult emotions don’t disappear forever just because they’re out of sight. Eventually they’ll pop back up again - it just might take a while.
What Causes Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?
Like all attachment styles, dismissive avoidant attachment is thought to develop through a combination of early life experiences, temperament, and later relationships. There isn’t a single cause, and not everyone who experiences childhood adversity will develop an avoidant attachment style.
According to attachment theory, dismissive avoidant attachment often develops when a child’s emotional needs are repeatedly ignored or dismissed. Their caregivers might have been physically present but emotionally unavailable, encouraged independence at an unusually early age, or responded to distress with messages such as:
“Stop crying”
“You’re fine”
“Don’t be so sensitive”
Over time, the child learns an important survival lesson: expressing emotions doesn’t lead to comfort, so it’s safer to rely on yourself.
As these experiences are repeated, the brain gradually adapts. Instead of seeking comfort from others during times of stress, the child learns to suppress vulnerable emotions, minimise their own needs, and become highly self-reliant.
These strategies are remarkably effective in childhood because they help the child cope in an environment where emotional support feels unreliable. The difficulty is that the same survival strategies can create challenges later in adult relationships, where emotional openness and interdependence become important for building intimacy.
It’s also important to remember that childhood isn’t the whole story. Later experiences - such as emotionally painful relationships, betrayal, chronic rejection, loss, or other significant life events - can reinforce avoidant patterns or make them worse.
Likewise, repeated experiences of safe, consistent relationships and intentional personal growth can gradually move someone towards a more secure attachment style. The brain remains capable of change throughout life, a quality known as neuroplasticity.
Dismissive Avoidants in Relationships
As mentioned earlier, dismissive avoidant attachment style isn't a problem in all aspects of life. In fact, it can be a benefit in some ways.
Many DAs are exceptionally independent. They tend to be comfortable making decisions on their own, solving problems logically, and staying calm under pressure. Their unemotional nature means they often excel in careers that reward clear thinking, leadership, and resilience. Many thrive in business, management, engineering, medicine, emergency services, the military, entrepreneurship, or any role where staying composed during stressful situations is an asset.
Being a DA only really becomes a problem in the realm of relationships.
Dating a DA
Some DAs are cautious and slow during the dating stage. They may come across as so detached that you wonder if they actually even like you.
Others thrive in the early stages of dating. Many dismissive avoidants genuinely enjoy closeness in the early stages of a relationship. The honeymoon phase is an intense cocktail of attraction, chemistry, excitement, dopamine, and novelty. They may genuinely feel like they’ve finally found ‘the one’.
But all honeymoons come to an end.
In the early stages, relationships naturally include ‘distance’. Expectations are lower, and there's less at stake. However, as someone becomes more important to a DA, their nervous system may start interpreting dependence, vulnerability, or emotional expectations as a threat to their independence.
Instead of feeling safer as the relationship grows, they may begin to feel trapped, overwhelmed, or like they’re losing a part of themselves.
Signs You May Be Dating a Dismissive Avoidant
It’s important to note that attachment styles exist on a spectrum. Not all dismissive avoidants behave in the same way and some lean more avoidant than others.
With that in mind, some common signs include:
- Seeming warm, interested, and affectionate at first, then gradually become more emotionally distant.
- Valuing independence more than most and often needing large amounts of time alone.
- Struggling to express vulnerable emotions or talk openly about their feelings.
- Avoiding difficult conversations or shutting down during conflict.
- Becoming uncomfortable when relationships start feeling “too serious.”
- Needing space after periods of emotional or physical intimacy.
- Minimising problems rather than talking them through.
- Appearing calm on the outside, even during emotionally charged situations.
- Pulling away when you need them most emotionally.
- Sending mixed messages, leaving you unsure where you stand.
- Being uncomfortable depending on others - or having others depend on them.
- Appearing emotionally unavailable, even when they genuinely care about you.
DA Triggers
As a relationship becomes more emotionally significant, seemingly ordinary situations can activate a dismissive avoidant's attachment system. Common triggers include:
Closeness and Intimacy
- The relationship becoming more serious
- Falling in love
- Emotional vulnerability
- Deep conversations about feelings
- Spending increasing amounts of time together
- Physical affection that feels emotionally intimate
- Feeling emotionally "seen"
Committment
- Defining the relationship
- Becoming exclusive
- Talking about the future
- Moving in together
- Engagement or marriage discussions
- Having children
- Combining finances or making long-term plans
Dependency
- Feeling needed by their partner
- Their partner relying on them emotionally
- Being asked for reassurance
- Requests for greater consistency or communication
- Feeling responsible for someone else's happiness
- Having to prioritise the relationship over personal independence
Loss of Autonomy
- Feeling trapped or smothered
- Perceiving a loss of freedom
- Feeling like they "have" to do something
- Their routine or personal space changing
- Having less time for work, hobbies, or friends
- Feeling pressured to open up emotionally
Conflict
- Arguments or emotional confrontations
- Feeling criticised or judged
- Feeling misunderstood
- Feeling like they're disappointing someone
- Raised voices or emotionally charged discussions
- Being asked, "What's wrong?"
Expectations
- Good morning or goodnight texts becoming expected
- Frequent phone calls
- Wanting more affection
- Wanting to spend holidays together
- Meeting family or friends
- Celebrating anniversaries or Valentine's Day (for some)
- Feeling like the relationship now comes with "rules"
Feeling Out of Control
- Losing emotional independence
- Feeling overwhelmed by their own emotions
- Realising they care more than they expected
- Feeling guilty for hurting someone
- Feeling unable to "fix" a relationship problem logically
Internal Triggers
Sometimes nothing obvious happens at all.
Instead, the trigger comes from within:
- Realising the relationship has become deeply important
- Feeling unexpectedly vulnerable
- Missing someone and feeling uncomfortable about it
- Becoming emotionally attached
- Feeling happy... then worrying it won't last
- Old attachment wounds being unconsciously activated
As you can see, triggering a dismissive avoidant's attachment wounds is almost impossible to avoid when trying to build a healthy relationship. Any of the scenarios mentioned may be enough to trigger deactivation.
What is Deactivation
To cope with the uncomfortable feelings that closeness brings, the dismissive avoidant nervous system responds with a subconscious defence mechanism known as ‘deactivation’.
Remember our old friend 'Activation' from earlier in the article?
Well, if attachment activation is the brain saying,
"This relationship is important..."
then deactivation is the nervous system replying,
"That’s exactly why we need to back away."
The amygdala sounds the alarm, stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol are released, and the nervous system shifts into self-protection.
During deactivation, avoidants lose access to positive memories of the relationship.
Suddenly you’re playing the part of a villain in a script you never auditioned for.
Some common deactivation strategies include:
Focusing on your flaws:
They may suddenly become irritated by small habits or convince themselves you’re not “the right person.”
Romanticising an ex:
An ex who is no longer emotionally available can start to seem more appealing than a partner who is right in front of them.
Finding reasons the relationship won't work:
Differences that once felt manageable can suddenly become deal-breakers.
Withdrawing emotionally or physically
They may communicate less, avoid difficult conversations, or spend more time alone.
Becoming busier than ever:
Work, hobbies, gaming, the gym, or other commitments may suddenly take priority over the relationship.
Minimising the relationship:
They may convince themselves they weren’t that invested or that the relationship wasn’t particularly important.
Suppressing feelings:
Rather than acknowledging sadness, fear, or vulnerability, they push those emotions out of awareness.
Craving freedom or independence:
They may feel an intense urge to “escape,” even if nothing objectively wrong has happened.
Feeling emotionally numb:
Instead of recognising fear or overwhelm, they may simply conclude that their feelings have disappeared.
Avoiding conflict:
Difficult conversations may be delayed, shut down, or avoided altogether because emotional intensity feels uncomfortable.
Hyper-focusing on self-reliance:
They may insist on handling everything alone and struggle to accept emotional support
While deactivation is a largely unconscious process for the DA, it can feel sudden, confusing, and even traumatic for the person on the receiving end.
Long-Term Relationships
Let me guess what you’re thinking …
“If DAs are so allergic to closeness, how on earth could they ever be in a long-term relationship?”
It’s a fair question. After all, if closeness feels uncomfortable, surely a long-term relationship would be the last place they’d want to be?
Surprisingly, many dismissive avoidants do have long-term relationships. Some stay with the same partner for decades, get married, raise children, and build successful lives together.
How?
… The answer lies in the ways they adapt.
They may have careers that involve a lot of travel that creates natural distance. They might have hobbies that take up most of their free time. Many manage to meet their responsibilities as a partner or parent while still struggling to express affection, ask for help, or talk openly about their feelings.
Many avoidants tend to show love by fixing things, providing financially, solving practical problems, or being dependable rather than through words or emotions.
Some people describe being in a long-term relationship with a dismissive avoidant as feeling more like living with a lodger than a romantic partner. The physical intimacy may fade, and emotional intimacy never arrives - no matter how many years you stay together. This can make for a very lonely existence; even though you’re in a committed relationship.
One self-identified dismissive avoidant on Reddit described being in a 17-year relationship that felt stable but lacked emotional depth. He explained that his greatest fear wasn’t abandonment—it was being truly known.
Because neither partner placed much emphasis on discussing feelings or each other’s inner world, the relationship felt emotionally “safe” to him. Despite being together for many years, he admitted his partner wouldn’t even have been able to tell you what music he liked. For him, stability came through emotional distance rather than emotional intimacy.
This highlights an important point: the length of a relationship doesn’t necessarily reflect its emotional depth. Some dismissive avoidants remain in long-term relationships for many years, yet still struggle to let that person fully into their inner world.
The most important predictor of a healthy long-term relationship isn’t whether someone has a dismissive avoidant attachment style. It’s whether they’re willing to recognize their patterns, take responsibility for how those patterns affect their partner, and have the emotional capacity to grow with the relationship.
Long-term relationships naturally bring new challenges. Illness, financial pressures, raising children, caring for ageing parents, conflict, and loss all require partners to lean on one another emotionally. Those are often the moments when a dismissive avoidant’s attachment system becomes most activated. The relationship isn’t simply asking for commitment anymore—it’s asking for capacity.
What is Emotional Capacity?
When you’re in love with a dismissive avoidant, it’s easy to become obsessed with the wrong questions.
“Do they love me?”
“Do they care?”
“How do I make them want the relationship as much as I do?”
They’re understandable questions, but they’re all pointing in the wrong direction.
Someone can care deeply about you, love you, maybe even want to be with you … but still not have the capacity to build a healthy relationship.
The capacity to:
- Regulate difficult emotions
- Empathise with another person’s experience
- Be vulnerable instead of withdrawing
- Take accountability
- Communicate openly
- Repair after conflict
- Stay consistent
- Maintain intimacy after the honeymoon phase
- Grow alongside another person
Emotional capacity is one of the strongest predictors of whether a relationship can remain healthy over time.
Not chemistry. Not attraction. Not even love.
A relationship without emotional capacity is like trying to pump air into a punctured tyre.
Sadly, no amount of understanding, reassurance, patience, or self-sacrifice can increase another person’s emotional capacity.
You can’t love someone into self-awareness.
You can’t heal wounds they refuse to acknowledge.
Capacity grows when someone becomes curious about their own patterns, takes responsibility for how those patterns affect others, and repeatedly chooses new ways of responding—even when it feels uncomfortable.
Can Dismissive Avoidants Heal?
Let me give you the good news first.
Yes. Dismissive avoidants can absolutely become more secure and attachment styles aren’t fixed.
Thanks to neuroplasticity, our brains continue changing throughout life. Every time someone chooses vulnerability over withdrawal, stays present during a difficult conversation instead of shutting down, or learns to tolerate closeness rather than automatically retreating from it, they’re helping create new neural pathways.
An insecure attachment style doesn’t have to be a life sentence and the strategies that protected you as a child don’t have to define your relationships as an adult.
But now for the not-so-good news.
Healing an avoidant attachment style is possible - but it’s not easy.
There are several reasons for this:
Lack of self-awareness
How can you solve a problem when you don’t think there is one?
Many dismissive avoidants don’t initially realise they’re operating from an attachment pattern because their coping strategies feel so normal. They may simply think they’re “independent,” “not very emotional,” or someone who values space more than other people.
They don’t think,
“I’m deactivating.”
They think,
“I just need space.”
They don’t think,
“My nervous system feels overwhelmed.”
They think,
“Maybe this relationship isn’t right.”
Old habits die hard
Attachment patterns often develop over many years, becoming deeply wired into the way someone experiences closeness, vulnerability, and relationships. For many dismissive avoidants, emotional self-reliance wasn’t just a preference—it was a survival strategy.
If you’ve spent decades believing that depending on other people isn’t safe or necessary, learning to trust, open up, and lean on someone else can feel almost impossible.
Lack of accountability
One of the most frustrating aspects of loving a dismissive avoidant is that they don’t always seem able to recognise their own role in relationship problems.
From the outside, it can feel as though every issue somehow becomes your fault.
Especially during deactivation, many dismissive avoidants find it difficult to recognise how their own attachment system is influencing the way they interpret the relationship.
Rather than recognizing,
“I’m feeling overwhelmed by intimacy,”
the explanation often becomes,
“My partner expects too much,”
or
“This relationship isn’t right.“
Taking accountability often requires acknowledging painful emotions such as guilt, regret, or shame. For someone whose nervous system has spent years avoiding vulnerability, those emotions can feel incredibly uncomfortable.
They can't always 'name' what they're feeling
Research suggests that people with avoidant attachment are more likely to experience alexithymic traits.
Alexithymia = difficulties recognising, understanding, and putting emotions into words.
It doesn’t mean every DA will have alexithymia but it does help explain why some genuinely struggle to identify what they’re feeling, let alone communicate it to someone else.
The problem has to 'feel' like a problem
One of the greatest barriers to healing is that dismissive avoidant strategies don’t negatively affect many areas of life.
- They can build successful careers.
- They can travel the world solo.
- They can achieve goals independently.
- They can live happy lives alone.
The cracks only start to show in close relationships. So, if someone isn’t particularly interested in emotional intimacy, they may never feel motivated to examine those patterns.
Real change often begins when the cost of staying the same becomes greater than the discomfort of changing. For many dismissive avoidants, that moment comes after enough painful breakups, enough lost relationships, or enough loneliness that self-protection no longer feels as protective as it once did.
How Does a Dismissive Avoidant Become More Secure?
It’s about gradually teaching the brain and nervous system that closeness no longer has to feel threatening.
An attachment-focused therapist might help a dismissive avoidant work on several areas.
1. Increasing self-awareness
As mentioned earlier, self-awareness is one of the biggest hurdles on the path to healing.
Many dismissive avoidants don’t realize when their attachment system has become activated. Instead of automatically believing that they've 'fallen out of love', or that their partner is 'asking for too much' - they learn to pause and ask a different question:
“Is this genuinely a relationship problem, or is my attachment system feeling threatened?”
That single question can interrupt years of automatic patterns.
2. Learning to recognize emotions
Many dismissive avoidants have spent years pushing uncomfortable emotions out of awareness. Therapy helps them become curious instead of avoidant.
Rather than simply feeling “fine” or “stressed,” they begin recognising emotions like disappointment, fear, shame, loneliness, sadness, guilt, and vulnerability before those feelings automatically trigger withdrawal.
3. Regulating the nervous system
Because deactivation is largely a nervous system response, healing isn’t just about changing thoughts … It’s largely about calming the body.
A therapist might teach breathing exercises, grounding techniques, mindfulness, body awareness, or other nervous system regulation strategies so that emotional closeness no longer immediately feels overwhelming.
4. Challenging old beliefs
Many dismissive avoidants carry unconscious beliefs such as:
“Needing people is weak.”
“I’ll lose myself in relationships.”
“People will let me down.”
“I have to do everything on my own.”
Healing involves challenging those beliefs as they arise. Over time, these new experiences become evidence that the old beliefs are no longer universally true.
5. Practising vulnerability
This is usually the hardest part. Vulnerability isn’t something most dismissive avoidants can become comfortable with overnight.
Instead, they practise it in small, manageable steps.
- Sharing one feeling.
- Accepting help.
- Asking for reassurance.
- Staying present during difficult conversations instead of withdrawing.
Every successful experience teaches the nervous system that vulnerability doesn’t automatically end in rejection or loss of freedom.
6. Repairing instead of retreating
One of the biggest signs that someone is becoming more secure isn’t that they never get triggered; It’s that they stop disappearing every time they do.
Instead of withdrawing for days, weeks, or months, they gradually learn to say things like:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
“I need a little time to process this, but I’m coming back.”
“I’m finding this conversation difficult, but I don’t want to avoid it.”
Those may seem like small changes, but for someone with dismissive avoidant attachment, they’re often enormous milestones.
7. Building emotional capacity
Ultimately, healing is about expanding emotional capacity.
- The capacity to stay present.
- The capacity to tolerate vulnerability.
- The capacity to remain connected during conflict.
- The capacity to receive love rather than instinctively pull away from it.
Don't Lose Yourself in the Process
If you’re dating someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, it’s important to understand one thing:
Avoidants are called avoidants for a very good reason - they tend to 'avoid'.
No amount of love, understanding, or patience can force someone to change unless they are ready, willing, and able to do the work.
You can support someone’s growth, but you can’t do the growing for them.
Keep in mind ...
Dismissive avoidants often need more time to process emotions than other people.
Needing time is healthy. Disappearing without explanation isn't.
You shouldn’t have to decode every text message, second-guess every silence, or convince yourself that “they’re probably just processing” when your own needs are being ignored.
A healthy relationship requires both people to communicate, repair after conflict, and make one another feel emotionally safe. That doesn’t mean expecting your partner to become someone they’re not. It means expecting them to meet you halfway.
If a dismissive avoidant is self-aware and actively working on their attachment style, you may notice gradual progress.
They may still need space, but they also return. Emotional conversations might still feel uncomfortable, but they make an effort to have them. Vulnerability doesn't suddenly become easy, but they're willing to practise it.
That’s very different from someone who repeatedly dismisses your feelings, refuses accountability, avoids every difficult conversation, or expects you to accept emotional distance as the price of loving them.
And remember ...
Sometimes the biggest trap of all is quietly giving more while gradually accepting less and less. You stop:
- Bringing up your needs because you don’t want to overwhelm them.
- Asking questions because you don’t want to seem “too much.”
- Expecting affection because you’ve convinced yourself that’s just who they are.
Before long, you realise you’ve been surviving on breadcrumbs and calling it a three-course meal.
That’s not compromise.
It's self-abandonment.
Final Thoughts
Understanding dismissive avoidant attachment can be incredibly freeing. It can help explain why someone pulled away when things were going well, why emotional closeness sometimes seemed to create distance instead of connection, and why the relationship often left you feeling confused.
But understanding someone isn’t the same as building a healthy relationship with them.
If you love someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, remember this: empathy and self-respect can exist side by side. You can appreciate where someone’s fears came from while still recognising what you need in order to feel loved, valued, and emotionally safe.
Understanding someone's attachment style can explain their behaviour. It should never be used to excuse behaviour that repeatedly harms you.
Other articles you may find interesting:
Signs An Avoidant Is Done With You
How to tell the difference between deactivations, shutdowns, and discards.